ONE for Guate

We are three month into our 6 months of being away, and I am learning so much.

God is gracious to have given us time together and he is gracious just the same in our time apart! 

To be vulnerable and honest coming to the states I had this fear that I would lose passion or some how get comfortable here because I wasn't hands and feet in the ministry as I had been. I found myself doubting what good can I do here, especially with a toddler and a newborn,  how am I going to be on mission here??? 

I had a kind friend tell me maybe you can just enterceed in prayer for those you would normally be working with. Wow how good to hear this... For me it was almost like oh yeah! Of course I should be doing that! God was so kind to show me that this is ministry, this is a piece of the puzzle, this is needed, and this is important! I knew and have always believed there are different types of ministry, but Satan tried to tell me your not there, you can't be useful. No Satan no you are wrong!

 God has been so incredibly overwhelming to me with answered prayer he has shown me when we dwell in him, when we speak to him, when we abide in Him... He finds it a joy to answer us, to speak to us, and to give good gifts! Just watching God answer prayers has and continues to bring me to tears. HE IS A GOOD FATHER! I wish I could just tell you all the millions of ways he has spoken to my heart through answered prayers but I will share just one. I was in prayer as pj was in the states nearing his time to leave just saying," Lord I don't know how.. I see no way, but I am choosing to hope in you I am choosing to not lose hope and if it is your will I would love pj to be able to come back to spend some time with us again"........literally the next day we were having dinner with a family and pj said come here and the dad of the family said I would really like to fly pj back again to see you all.... Of course I start crying ...come on... Really!!! God really how great, how kind can you be to me ...you would do that just for me...you would answer that quickly...you would love me that much! 

So satan, yes He answers! Yes prayer is powerful! Yes prayer is ministry! 

So many people ask what can they do for us and we always say your prayer is the most important! This is why...it can move mountains and change hearts! Now I am getting to be that prayer warrior and it is good because He is good! 

Another thing I am learning comes from being a mom of two and sometimes feeling tied down(never really understood that phase before kids). I really struggle with the saying your kids are your first ministry sometimes it even makes me cringe. God has given me grace as I come to Him saying forgive me AGAIN...or show me AGAIN...or teach me AGAIN. God has shown me truth that kids can be ministry because he has called us to make disciples. How do we do that? we start with the one in front of us. Well guess what the ones in front of me are my children! I must teach them what the characters of our Lord look like, and how what our flesh wants is not what we are called to. 

My sweet kala she is kind and oh so loving but oh so stubborn as well. I am learning that this little one needs parenting that is so strict its crazy. But when I give an inch she will surely take a mile! I am having to teach her that just because you want it in that moment it does not mean it is best. I have to give her two options: listen or get in trouble and she gets to choose...and as some of you know she sometimes still chooses to get in trouble. I want to teach her and grow her is obedience not because it makes my life easier,(because really it makes my life a lot harder right now) but because I want her to see that the Lord calls us to obedience and when we fail to obey he does punish us, He does teach us because He wants the perfect way for us. Because if this is ministry then I need to follow His outline not my own...I am so lost on my own outline of parenting I would probably never make my child obey and just be a fun mom the easy mom, but that is not the perfect way that is not the way that leads to more of Christ!

Many days I feel like gosh when will this pay off, when will this season end, when will we reap what we sow. Many days I am in tears. Many days I am frustrated beyond belief. Many days I feel alone in the struggle. Many days i am discouraged and disappointed. BUT God said yes see this is ministry... This is what it feels like when we are trying to minister to those in guatemala that are in front of us and this is what is feels like ministering to the little one in front of me now. AND there are moments, there are glimpses, there are days, there are times of enjoying, laughter, and reward because God is good! Sometimes far and few between because the flesh is strong and very stubborn. BUT THIS IS MINISTRY! 

I want to leave you with a couple things God keeps repeating to me and I hope they speak to you as well! 

1.true grace is found when you come to ME with a repenting heart. 

2. Are you talking to ME as much as you are worrying about what's going to happen...have you brought it to me? PRAY!!!

 All I can say is God is GOOD and good alone