Being Here

What is it like to be a missionary?

 I get this question a lot and most times I honestly do not have a very good answer. I feel like I let you down by not being able to verbalize it. Maybe I can’t because it is so complicated or ever changing, I’m truthfully not sure. However, I have such a desire for each of you to get it even if just a little bit. Why? Because we are here on the mission field because God called us, so missions must be close to His heart; therefore, it matters, it is important, it does change lives. God has been putting it on my heart a lot lately to share what missions looks like for us, so that is exactly what I am going to try to do.

This is a picture of my husband….what may appear to be a spoiled rotten husband eating dinner in bed…well it is not what it seems. This is a husband who I am seeing for the first time at 9:30pm, who is eating dinner, his first meal of the day, in his bed because everyone else had already eaten and was asleep in bed. His day consisted of running errands, paying bills, church banking, being at the feeding center, talking to moms of the feeding center kids, doing house visits, and then men’s group at the church. This is a day that is so full, but saying that doesn’t really even start to explain his day. Here we say everything takes a whole day to do, we don’t know why but it just does. For example church banking that sounds like a quick in and out, but with the lines in the bank it is at 30 minutes if not an hour to just make a deposit and that doesn’t include the book keeping he had already done. When he is at the feeding center he waits for all the kids to enter and then teaches a little bit, or plays games, or teaches bible verses and then the kids eat. While the kids eat he goes around and talks to as many moms as he can about their lives, their difficulties, their doubts, their questions. Now on to family visits these are almost always very hard and I’m not talking about the walk up steep hills hard, even though that is almost always a given here in Guatemala as well. It is hard to see the living conditions of people we have grown to care for very much, and it is hard to hear so much pain. The story after story of living in such poverty, but not just that it is hearing story after story of so much heartbreak. So these family visits almost always take hours. Hours of them pouring out their hearts. Hours of trying to giving encouragement and advice. Hours of prayers. Hours of meeting the family. It all takes time here, and normally a lot of it. But this is precious time because it is spent instead of in lines, it is in people’s lives and that matters. Then my husband goes to men’s group where he is the leader, and sometimes it’s fun and card games, other times questions, other times pouring out their hurts and difficulties as well.  So when I said this is a full day yes it is, but not in the since of busy(which it was that as well); however, in the since of full of emotion, full of tears, full of heavy stuff, full of incapability, full of fighting the devil, full of talking, full of listening, and full of striving to let the light shine through such a harsh and cruel world.

 Sometimes… well many times my husband will tell me I just don’t  know how I can help, I want to help so bad, and I just can’t. Being on a missionary budget we don’t always have the means to help. However, I have to say that the Lord has given my husband such a wonderful giving heart. He almost never has money in his wallet, but it truly is because he gives it away so freely to others. This night he told me the same I am so tired Morgan, I’m not talking physically ( which he was that as well), but so tired of not being able to do something… so after a long day, I thought man this might be the last thing he wants to hear but I said it anyways… You know what you can’t do anything, BUT God can. In all this situations that seem so hopeless HE still has hope, HE still has the means to change situations, HE still can. So I said let’s ask Him to do that. So we prayed and asked God that He would show up, and give hope and future. And then my husband went and ate his reheated dinner like the spoiled husband he is.  J

So you must be thinking surely not every day is that jammed pack and you are so right. Not everyday is like this and some days I see my husband even most of the day. I am thankful for those days because we never know when the next really full day is coming.  I recently heard my husband on the phone saying, “you know I don’t know what I have been doing lately I feel like I’ve just been home more and with the family and working on house projects, so maybe for that I don’t feel good like I haven’t been doing enough”. This really made me start thinking about another side of ministry that maybe many don’t know about. The guilt. The guilt that we are spending too much on our family, we came here to serve other and minister to them and there are so many that need it. The guilt that we need to be doing more.  We know and have been told so many times your family is your first ministry. If our family is not good the ministry will not be good or even not exist. We do believe this but putting it in to practice really is a different story, it really takes carving out time, and being super intentional or it does not happen. Because on top of ministry we still have to do the normally everyday things like buying groceries, paying bills, taking and picking up kids from school, doing reports, gardening, mowing,  phone calls, home repairs, the mundane, but oh so necessary for life to function.

Speaking of family, I feel like that where I come in more. I told you about ministry but more the ministry of my husband. So what does ministry for me specifically look like? Well because I am a stay at home mom of 3, 2 of which are very young, most of my days are in the home. Including cleaning, cooking, laundry, homework, baths, naps, playing, potty training, teaching, diapers, tantrums, hugs, attention, snacks, bedtimes. Taking care of my family, raising my children, having food on the table, these are the things that consume most of my time. It is not always fun, easy or glamorous, and seems like not at all what you want to hear when you ask what being a missionary is, but the truth is I have come to learn that this ministry desperately needs just that. I have tried to do it all and drag babies along with me while doing it, I have tried going to minister and once again leave my children at home, I have tried to make my little one as much a part of every aspect of ministry as possible. I am here to tell you for my family it does not work. Because I end up with kids who can’t get consistent parenting because I was dragging them along everywhere and I pay for it for weeks after. I end up with kids that are so clinging when I am there because I wasn’t present enough. I end up with kids that are sick all the time because all those places and houses and kids I took them around is just too much for there still growing immune systems. I have come to find out when all this is going on with my kids my husband nor I can ministry well at all; therefore, for now in the phase we are my ministry is in my home, my ministry is not facebook worthy, but my ministry matters to God and so it is important.  So I now choose very selectively what is worth my time away from my family. One of which is women’s group and we meet every week with the goal to create community within our church and I have seen small but such encouraging differences. I teach English during my kids nap times. Kids ministry on Sundays.   I go on family visits when my husband suggests it would be good if I was there, normally when he knows the situation needs a women or some medical advice. Recently, I went to visit a lady that’s 15 day old baby had just died. It is a visit I hope I never have to do again. I had to listen and ask and realize her baby died of something that could have been fixed if she had just known. I had to see and touch a precious but lifeless baby. Nothing inside of me wanted this, none of it. But this is part of ministry…death…hard…heartbreaking that you just want to run away from but that sweet momma can’t run away so neither will we. Our Father doesn’t run so we must learn to stay, stay in the pain, stay in the tears, stay in the loneliness.

So our ministry is being here: Being here when it is sacrifice and when it is blessings. Being here through the changes of people and needs. Being here even when our family and friends are so far away. Being here in the trenches and on the mountains. Being here is missions. So I encourage you to be there. Wherever with whoever He has called you to be. Be there when it is hard and you want to run away, and be there to rejoice the triumphs. And when you don’t know what to do ask God to do it!

A Year of Seeing The Lord

Before anything, I want to give the glory to God for everything and for every day this past year.  I see and I have experienced the faithfulness in abundance of my God toward me. I see God seeking me out, I see God going through me whole day, I see God when I hold my son in my arms, I see God when I see my baby girl dancing, I see God in my wife’s faithfulness and love, but when I see myself I see how much more I need to seek God. In my sinful nature and my imperfection I see how much God loves me. On the sixth day of creation I picture God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit in their workshop putting their heads together and thinking and planning and creating the perfect being in His own image; that is you and that is me. What shocks me is in the first five days He said it was good in everything that he did, but when he created man he said it was not good for man to be alone. But why? Because God created us to be in unity not to work alone, not to live alone, not to pray alone, not to love alone, not to walk alone, and for sure not to do ministry alone. So today I want to tell you one more time that you are not a number you are family, and the ministry we do in Guatemala God didn’t just give it to me, but he gave it to all of you as well. Because of you the one that prays, the one that gives, and you the one that goes, have been and still are investing in us, therefore, my ministry is your ministry, and my people are your people, and my God is your God. So, if you think you just give, or you just pray or you just do missions sometimes, let me tell you that you are wrong, because as I said God did not make us to do ministry alone and therefore, you have been joined in this with us as ONE. 

Romans 12:4-5 ⁴ For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, ⁵ so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.

 In this New Year I want to tell you how much I appreciate you and how much you mean to me. I wish I could tell you what I know or write about you because all of you have struggles of all kinds and even through with your pains, restrictions, and setbacks you have been faithful and you have loved us constantly. I have seen you cry, I have seen you doubt, I have seen you confused, I have seen you broken, and there is so much I want to tell you, but mostly that in all of this I have seen God in you. I have seen you loving me and trusting me with your resources, stay with me, bare with me, keep working with me for this ministry needs all of us.

Here is a bit of what has gone on here is year:

I am still working( I haven’t been fired J) as a pastor in a great organization, manna worldwide, they have entrusted me with their church and their people that they have invested in and prayed for. Please pray that I keep gaining favor in their eyes and in the eyes of the Lord with this big responsibility. In the San Lucas church we have seen growth throughout this last year.  I was ordained as a pastor, we had three babies dedicated to the Lord and seven baptisms, and many have received Christ.  We have started a women’s and men’s group and have seen the people start to open up and relax, and our hope is to see these groups start to make community within the church and that we can live more as one body. Also, we have been able to start English classes to help with the people’s desire to learn.  Many new things and faces this past year and we are praying for this New Year to bring people that love and serve the Lord.

A year and a half ago we gained a daughter, she is now 11 year olds. She has lived with us and it has been hard, so hard, we have lost battles, dropped many tears, gotten angry, and lost peace. And today I can tell you there is still a long way to go, but we choose hope. My American mom showed me God and gave me a blessing and I intend to pass that on, so one day Johana, my new daughter, can pass that on as well.  Join us in prayer for strength, endurance, guidance, and love.

In San Mateo we took a few steps back because we lost the place that we were in, but we are still fighting the good fight. We need so much for that place. We are feeding 75 kids Mondays and Wednesdays, so for now we feed twice a week and I look forward to the day when we can feed all week. On the upside this year San Mateo kids had a huge blessing of being able to enjoy a Christmas lunch out in Antigua where they all ate chicken and played and got to experience something not many of them have ever done before thanks to this special donation.

We had a wonderful team of youth join us this year for a week and we were able to build an addition on to a house, and for another family a kitchen area and a bathroom, as well as many food baskets and stoves for those in need. We are so thankful for their hard work.

We had two girls that ONE for Guate sponsored to go to school this year and they successfully passed and we are so thankful to see their future impacted in this great way. Pray for the new school year and new challenges that they will be completed with this His power.

This year finally I can take my family to the market, to the store, to school, and to dates knowing that my car will not break on me. Thanks to Grace church I can tell you now that I am so happy for our reliable car (that all my kids fit in and it even has a/c) and confident that I can move around without worrying that I may lose my brakes, as I did twice with my old car. Praise the Lord for functional gift.

This year we had the amazing opportunity to go to Texas and visit a church and we felt completely loved and taken care of. We are so blessed to have gone, to have met, and reconnected, but most of all blessed to know the feeling of being loved and accepted by the church body as a family. We don’t have words for how thankful and how deeply touched we are. We thank the Lord for always seeing us and caring for us beyond measure.

We were able to touch many people through many random contributions that are not seen by many, but are so helpful. Just a few examples: medicine for a baby with pneumonia, tests for cancer, food, car repairs for a pastor, San Mateo kitchen helpers Christmas donation, and many more. Please realize every dollar makes a difference in even the smallest ways because giving is a blessing, giving is multiplied, and giving changes lives. For that we want to thank you for every single dollar you have given, every prayer you have given, every encouraging word you have given, and every second you have given. ONE for Guate is thankful for you, for this body, for the way God has woven us together.